Near the beginning of my search for understanding regarding love I was able to create, with the help of a friend, a definition that seemed plausible at the time. I did not expect to continue using the definition for an extended period of time, but it fits the emotion I see commonly expressed as love so well that my definition has not changed much over the years. We defined love as having two parts. The first part was having care for someone (or something). The second part was having a hope for a future with that someone (or something). Later, we agreed that there must also be something more, but we were unable to define it. We called this something more, “the spark.”
1. Care: n. 1. Mental distress: worry. 2. A source of solicitude or attention. 3. Caution. 4. Supervision: charge. V. 1. To be interested or concerned. 2. To have a liking or inclination. 3. To give care. 4. To object: mind. (Webster’s New Basic Dictionary, 2007)
Care can be described in many ways. It can be active, assisting a person in meeting their needs and actualizing their potential, as many parents do. It can also be passive, such as simply having interest in knowing more about someone. Over the years this part of the definition has also expanded to include someone being important to you. They are no longer lost in the sea of nameless faces that float by us on a daily basis, but have taken on a unique identity, and with that identity a bit of priority. They become special. In the story of The Little Prince, the prince comes across a rose garden, and is sad because he realizes that the only rose he had ever known has many roses that are just like her, while he had thought that she was unique. His friend, the fox, explains to the little prince that his rose really is unique, because the prince knows her and cares for her. His interest in her sets her apart from the thousands of roses that the little prince does not care about. With this in mind I like to define care as giving importance to something.
2.Love has an implication of time. Often love is the result of knowing someone for a long period, and building a common history together, but the aspect of time that defines love is the hope for a continued relation to that person in the future. The future that you hope for with a person may take on many forms. Perhaps you hope for the traditional future of marriage, sleeping together on a nightly basis, and being buried next to the other. Maybe your hope is simply for the occasional letter, or even to just know that the other person still exists. Hope for the future can be long term, such as for eternity, or short term, such as for tomorrow. Because you hope for a future with someone does not mean that you desire your relationship with him or her to remain constant. You may have the desire to interact with the person you love in many different capacities over time. The point is that love takes a single moment of care and applies it to the future. Love says that you will not only care for someone in the moment, but that they can trust that you will continue to care for them.
3.Although the two aspects of love that I have already mentioned logically explain the feelings behind love, the definition did not seem quite complete. Saying to someone, “I care for you and I hope for a future together,” does not create the same feelings as the words, “I love you.” We postulated that there was a third part of love, which I now call, “the spark.” I have yet to be able to fully describe the spark, except to say that all humans know it when they feel it, and I believe that this is because the spark is uniquely different to each individual. The spark is the social learning aspect of love. Each person has, in their mind, a set of behaviors and emotions that they sub-consciously recognize as love due to the influence of media, peers, and family throughout their lifetime. When these behaviors and emotions are present in another, the spark is set off. So, for some the spark is set off by a dozen roses. For another, the spark is set off by contact of fist to flesh. It is simply the icon they have been taught through example that love is.
